Before I Sleep

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I creep into your room.

I savour the stillness and yet it's unnerving.

There are bed clothes falling off beds.

There are cold legs above the covers.

There are flushed, sleep drenched faces.

I stand and listen to the soft rhythmic breathing....at times, so quiet that I place my hand on your chest to be reassured.

I wonder what you dream of.

I wonder what sort of adventures your dreams will bring you on.

I think of the stories you told me today.

I remember the song we sang on the way home from school.

I smile when I recall the way you put your hand in mine and whispered that I was 'your best friend ever'. 

I feel bad about the row we had over the sloppy homework.

I feel the familiar gripping fear when I look at your vulnerable faces...

Will you always be safe.

Will you always be happy.

Am I doing it all wrong?

Have I messed things up and is there time to put it right?

I quash these thoughts and focus on the here and now.

I tuck legs back under duvets, only for then to be out again before I leave.

I put butterfly kisses on your faces and appeal to the gods to keep you safe.

Before I sleep I feel joy, sadness,fear, hope and happiness, but most of all I feel gratitude.

Before I sleep I know tomorrow is a new day, the slate wiped clean, a chance to do it all again and do it better.

Before I sleep.....