Their relationship with their younger sister is somewhat more fraught. There are times they get on like a house on fire but a lot of the time she is the third wheel, the one who has to be tolerated, whose inclusion is an effort and whose expulsion from 'the club' happens far too easily.
It is something that is really upsetting to see and I've struggled to figure out what to do to improve things, while I encourage them to include her, often by shining a light on the problem it has actually made it worse not better. She then becomes the reason for them getting a telling off or a lecture and so further damaging her chances of being included.
I used to wonder why she whinged so much, but then I saw how she was being left out.
I struggled with her black and white view of fairness, where there is no allowance given and no gray areas tolerated but then I realised how unfairly she is treated.
She seemed to them to be both irritatingly omnipresent and at the same time invisible.
But I have stood back and had to allow her to find her own place in their world, it hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. Recently I have seen how close she and my eldest have become, it started when she was helping her to read her own books at bedtime and moved on to them both sharing the spare bed to sleep in, whispering long after bed time and giggling coming from the room far too late at night.
Of course somewhere in all this there is a girl who is now feeling a bit put out, who seems to have temporarily lost her partner in crime, but this is no harm as it may improve her ability to show some empathy which has been lacking up to now.
It's a few weeks on now and there seems to be something of a lasting feeling about this new inclusion of their younger sister, it's as though those 'two peas in a pod' looked around and realised there might just be room for three.
It's been a long wait but it seems now Madeleine that your time to shine has finally arrived.
Aw, that's lovely. It's so hard to see one of our children being left out, but forcing a relationship is not always the answer. We give birth to them and fully expect them to get on great together, forgetting they have personalities.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest has an amazing knack of bridging the gap between all the ages of her older three siblings. She can lie on the bed of my eldest who is ten years older than her and chat for ages as well as sit with my son seven years older and find plenty in common with him. In fact she is the only one of them he phones from luxembourg and spends ages chatting to. They get on very well individually but without her I'm not sure they would all get on when together, she seems to be the glue.
It's great to hear that one linchpin can secure everything, I'm sure all sibling friendship are fluid and will ebb and flow but I'm just thrilled that she is getting her chance to show them just how great she is.
DeleteAh that's lovely to read, delighted they are now 3 peas in a pod and not 2 :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Louise, I just hope that when the small man's turn comes that he will also be accommodated, right now he's adored for being the 'baby' but I can't see that lasting!
DeleteIt must be Paula...it's been tough to watch but fingers crossed that this new dynamic will last. Of course Noah being the youngest is adored by all!
ReplyDeleteFamily dynamics are always so tricky and, as you said, sometimes our 'help' only adds to the problem. I am glad to hear the balance seems to have been restored :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Naomi😊
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